Satire: "Backdating Duel" - Dr. Neil Clark Warren VS. Dr. Phil

From our staff reporter looking for the next backdating scandal scoop.

We sent our field staff reporter Jim Gowan on a investigative report to find the exclusive scoop on backdating. Unfortunately Jim from Joliet, IL and was not all "wound up" about the stock options backdating thing. He was just a single guy looking for a date.

Turns out he got both MATCH.COM and eHARMONY.com to sponsor his trip. Until the two "doctors" - Neil Clark Warren and Phil figured out "backdating" never meant going back to date his old high school flame.

"At eHarmony our mission is to get you the best price on backdating. If you can save money by going back to date your old flames who you dumped and then found out there was none better, more power to you" said Dr. Neil.

"Executives today have less time than ever" said Dr. Phil, "add to that the pressures of getting the best price on stock options, backdating is the best way we can help".

Currently both match.com and eharmony.com have a promotion exclusively for executives either fired or dumped due to the backdating issue.

SEC Chairman Khristopher Kox frowned on the issue saying "We dont have any problem if executives get these perks, but stockholders have a right to full disclosure. All backdating fees and discounts need to be full reported in the 10K and 8K reports".

Currently over 70 executives have signed up for the program according to Jim. Repeated calls to 5 executives from Cyberonics, UnitedHealth and Home Depot, were unanswered.

Jim did not get any deal at either Match.com or eHarmony.com since his old flame refused his backdating due to tax and possible restatement of his vows around keeping 60 feet distance after his last encounter with her.

http://blog.vangal.com

backdating crime | greg reyes

What PR Organizations Say, What They Mean About Options Backdating

If you look at all the press releases from various companies on the options backdating issue and start to detect patterns, you cannot but help think they are written all by the same legal firm - they have the same boiler plate stuff, bunch of nonsense, a few technical terms and a few buzzwords. So we are attempting to clear up the mess with plain-speak.

1. What they say - " The SEC has issued an informal inquiry against our options backdating practices".

What they mean - " Damm! the SEC is a pretty rough bunch. Their informal inquiry looks more like a indicitment. We are not exactly sure what all we did wrong and not sure of what all we have to do to correct it. In any event, if we say its informal then the stockholders will think its nothing big."

2. What they say - " We intend to fully cooperate with the SEC" What they mean - "What choice do we have? Its not as if we have a whole bunch of options. Its like your ex-wife asking you to talk to her through the divorce settlement. If we dont cooperate we will all go to jail. We have to cooperate else we'll look guilty. If we do cooperate we will only end up paying a bunch of lawyers fines and settlement fees."

3. What they say - "There were material weaknesses in our internal controls" What they mean - " No one was minding the shop really. We were all busy getting drunk on "eyeballs", "business development deals" and "barney relationships". The accountants and lawyers were there too. They actually helped us through this. When someone from the audit team asked, we would either transfer them or ask them to leave. Now we have a mess. This SOX thing has also put some pressure on us. If we admit we had internal controls problems but now we passed our SOX audit, then we will absolve ourselves of all blame."

4. What they say - "Senior executives in the company who have been associated with this have resigned" What they mean - " Its not us its them. We are the nice guys. If there was anything going on it was under their watch. Sue them and leave us alone"

5. What they say - "Our board and audit teams have already started an internal investigation of our options backdating and will report their results soon" What they mean - " Our board got really scared they might get implicated in this. Finally after all these years they actually have to do some work to earn their pay instead of coming to our meetings, eating donuts, asking for gourmet coffee and paying golf with the CEO. So they came together, asked us to spend a bunch of money so they could CTA (Cover their AS*)

http://blog.vangal.com

backdating crime | greg reyes

How to Cash in on the Options Backdating Scandal?

1. More companies are going to be late in filing their SEC returns and will get delisted as a process. They will trade on pink sheets (Over the Counter) (look for the symbol followed by pk). OTC markets are notoriously not liquid. If there was a way to provide great liquidity over an alternate market there is money to be made - since most of the companies have products, good revenues, great customers etc.

2. Small independent audit firms: Most companies with backdating need an independent auditor to supplement their existing auditors. The smaller audit firms could make good short term money.

3. Legal firms: Same as auditors, except they are the first ones to get a call when the SEC comes calling.

4. Records and Content Management: Compliance issues make up most of the backdating scandal from a reporting standpoint. There is money in email discovery management, financial reporting and business intelligence tools.

5. Offshore staff augmentation: Some auditors and experts charge upto $400/hour for their services. Ripe opportunity to help them augment grunt work to offshore firms. If you are a offshore firm, buy or partner with a firm based in America.

6. Buy the stock: If you truly believe the company, its prospects, future potential and market, then buy it on the dip. But only after you have done all other due diligence.

7. Invest in Executive Search and Placement Firms: They are going to be looking forward to a lot of business replacing a bunch of executives who will either be fired or replaced because of options backdating.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Mukund_Mohan

backdating options | greg reyes